Receiving feedback

Why do people rarely give honest feedback? Simply because many of us aren't very good at receiving feedback. 

You can find many hints and tips on how to give feedback. Many training courses for managers include the subjects of giving and receiving feedback, but they seem to neglect giving the same training to those that have no management responsibility. This confuses me; most people have to interact with others in the workplace, so how can so many people miss out on the very basics, all of which can often lead to so much misunderstanding?

Why is feedback so important?

I really think that feedback is the most useful thing that a person can receive from someone else. No-one knows themselves completely and can often blithely walk through life not knowing that the reason people avoid them is because they do something that they could change in a second.

Equally, by knowing how to receive feedback, you are likely to be in a much better place to give it in a suitable way as well. I am by no means an expert, but I am one of those people who likes to know how I can do things better, analysing many situations.

How to be better at receiving feedback

The first thing to remember is not to get immediately defensive and to thank the person for what they have told you. If you have to count to 10, take a deep breath etc, do what you need to do, but really take in what they have told you. Sometimes it is best not to come back to them at all until you have really had a chance to break it down and decide what you are going to do with it.

There are varying degrees of constructive feedback that you can receive and if you are at the receiving end of someone telling you to 'cheer up love' when you walk down the street, you can pretty much determine that you can ignore or not take that advice as you please.

The hardest advice to receive is the advice that comes from people you care about and admire. They are most likely to tell you things about yourself that mean a lot to you or will hit you where you are most vulnerable. Most often they would have done it in a kind and gentle fashion, but you cannot guarantee it.

This is where taking time to absorb it is important. Once you have said thank you and taken a breath. Try and rephrase it back to them, so that you fully understand what they have said. As soon as it has been clarified, let them know that you will take it away and come back to them with how you plan to address it practically.

If it is good feedback, you can move on and carry on doing what you were doing, if that is what you were aiming for. If it takes a change of behaviour, it is up to you to decide if you will change. Some of the best advice that I have been given is that feedback is someone else's perception of you. You may not agree with it, but it is their truth from what they see. So you can't deny it's truth, all you can do is decide whether you will change based on it.

The best way you can receive feedback and continue to receive it constructively, is to thank the person for it. It means they are more likely to do it again and it means you have not made them uncomfortable , as it probably took them quite a lot of courage to begin with.

Find out more about our guest blogger Ghilaine Chan

Ghilaine is passionate about allowing people to do their best work and delight others

Ghilaine helps people to operate fast growing businesses in a productive and streamlined way, keeping an eye on time and money, whilst increasing motivation and improving customer relationships in a fast paced, changing environment. She brings order to chaos and creates scalable processes around the business, empowering them to delight their customers.

She works with tech based or enabled companies who are looking to disrupt their industries, but know that people are at the centre of their success and helping them manage their teams to: 

• Do their best work and delighting others
• Create some boundaries, but not cages
• Know they are acting for a purpose
• Determine which part they play, that what they receive enables them and what they produce is useful
• Have autonomy over how and when they produce

She has over 15 years' experience in scaling international business functions for technology companies, within their support and consultancy organisations.

Ghilaine is a graduate of London College of Fashion (now part of University of the Arts: London) with a degree in Product Development. She is a Mentor with Microsoft Ventures,UpRising and Outbox Incubator as well as an Approved Business Coach with Growth Accelerator, now part of Business Growth Services. 

Want to know more? Connect with Ghilaine on LinkedIn, follow her on Twitter and visit her website, Ghilaine & Co.